托福作文批改20分：全文逻辑不错，表达需提高

　　一般托福写作评分从以下几个维度进行：是否切题、字数符合要求、论点和逻辑扩展（分论点）、语法（词汇、句式、连贯）、论述新颖。今天课窝网继续分享范文，大家可以以话题自行参考。

　　作文题目：

　　Taking  a lot of time to make an important decision is viewed as a bad quality for a  person to have. But now it’s considered as a good quality of a person. Do you  agree or disagree with the statement.

　　作文内容：

　　The  number of decisions which we made, as we grow up, is considerable.Decisions [b1]play an important  role in our life forit decides whether[b2]a decision could  equip one with easy access to success, or make one’s life more enjoyable. Our  society is divided by the argument whether taking a huge amount of time to  make an important decision is a good quality, some people think it is a bad  quality for it may let one miss the only  opportunity to be successful. From my point of view, thoseshortcoming [b3]can be neglected when  the advantages of taking a lot of time to make an important decision are  mentioned.

　　The  first reason I want to put forward is that withdepth thinking [b4]one can choose the  decision which is more suitable for him. One should not only keep an eye on  the matter itself,he  [b5]but also should  considering all the surroundings and backgrounds. And that accounts for a  large amount of time. An illustrating example is my experience. When I  graduate from high school, I faced with the problem of which college to  choose. It indeedbother  [b6]me a lot, in spite of  the college itself , I should also choose the city which the college located  in. Big city does arouse my curiosity but it is too far away from my hometown,  and after a long time of considering, Idecided [b7]the college which is  near my home. And until now, I am so thankful for that decision forit made me  convenient [b8]to stay with my  parents.

　　Second,  making quick decision may let one fall into a difficult position. Just  imagine if one becomes passive andfells [b9]really tired after a  whole day’s hard work, how can he make a right decision at that time. What he  needs to do is not to be worried to give the answer but to relax and make the  decision until his head is clear. Take my uncle for an example, last month  when he finished his work and intended to go home, his boss quarreled with  him because of the work, he was so angry and with a burning desire to stay  away with his boss, he made a quick decision to quit his job, however the  next day he was so listless because of the wrong decision.

　　Without  any doubt, with a quick decision one may grasp the only opportunity to make  his life better, however it happens only when your decisions are right, or  maybe you should pay for it on the contrary.

　　Considering all the analysis above, we may safely come to the conclusion that it is a good quality to take a considerable amount of time to make an important decision. The only goal for the right decision is to make people’s life more successful and more enjoyable. So we should be serious when facing with an important decision.

　　[b1]Making decisions [b1]这里建议改成“做决定”

　　[b2]删除

　　[b3]Shortcomings 注意前面的修饰词是 [b3]those

　　[b4]deep thinking [b4]

　　[b5]删除

　　[b6]bothered 注意 [b6]时态保持一致，这里描述的还是过去的事情

　　[b7]chose

　　[b8]it made convenient for me 注意英文的正确表达

　　[b9]feels [b9]这里的时态

　　针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：

　　作文中比较明显的是有很多不太恰当的英文表达，主要是受中文表达的影响，建议在备考中多积累一些地道的英文短语，句式表达，词汇也要多查查词典，把握词汇的正确使用语境。

　　附批改原图：

　　以上寄宿小编为大家介绍的关于托福作文范文批改分享。更多托福考试培训、托福阅读时间等问题，可以咨询我们。