GMAT写作：段落修改思路（一）

　　作为留学考试类中最高等级的考试之一，GMAT写作对于文章的逻辑性，词汇与语法的多样性和复杂性要求自然要比雅思托福要高出一节，很多考生努力奋战，写作成绩也无法突破3分。课窝考试网将会持续更新GMAT作文分析与修改，供大家学习参考。

　　写作题目材料

　　The following appeared as part of an article in a magazine devoted to regional life.

　　Corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. Even in the recent recession. Helios's unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. It is the industrial center of the region, and historically it has provided more than its share of the region's manufacturing jobs. In addition, Helios is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies.

　　我们在这里以其中的一处因果错误为例，来讨论逻辑错误的段落论证。具体这个因果错误是指：作者错误地把Helios地区的低失业率与企业选址的优先考虑因素之间建立了因果关系。换句话说，就是作者认为Helios 地区的低失业率会是吸引企业来Helios 投资的重要吸引力。

　　分析

　　我们先来看看一位学生对于这一问题展开的段落讨论（文段存在问题）。

　　The article suggests that the city of Helios has favorable environment for corporations to develop new business opportunities or a new location. Because Helios’s unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. However, the causal relationship between the preference of corporation and lower unemployment rate is rather ambiguous. There are many other criteria for evaluating an investment condition, for example, government policies and total workforce. Unemployment rate is simply not enough. Also, unemployment rate that below the regional average does not mean it is the lowest in the region. More importantly, what region is that? Therefore, taking relatively low unemployment rate as an advantage of Helios is not every convincing.

　　错误问题：

　　01

　　开头未能全面概括错误出处与内容

　　The article suggests that the city of Helios has favorable environment for corporations to develop new business opportunities or a new location.

　　建议大家用介词+名词短语的形式搭配因果关系的框架表达去总结逻辑错误。

　　改：The author establisheda causal relationship betweenthe low unemployment rate in Heliosandcorporations’ developing priority to Helios.

　　02

　　例证未展开讨论，只是点到即止

　　There are many other criteria for evaluating an investment condition, for example, government policies and total workforce.

　　建议大家去把切合题目材料的例子逐一展开，论证文段的逻辑错误。论证质量的好坏取决于是否合理展开了例证说明，即使是用一个例子，只要能强有力的说明错误所在，就足以得到好分数。

　　改: However, this reasoning is fallacious that there are many other criteria for evaluating the investment condition, like the government policies.The government policies would offer powerful financial supports or even tax reduction to companies, which will absolutely lead the choices of site selection of corporations.

　　03

　　段落未能仅围绕一处错误展开

　　Also, unemployment rate that below the regional average does not mean it is the lowest in the region. More importantly, what region is that?

　　一定要记住我们在GMAT写作中，一个主体段落只围绕一处逻辑错误展开。即使是同一句中还存在其它错误类型，都不应该压缩到一个段落展开。这样做反而会显得段落中逻辑思路混乱，严重的可能还会降低文章得分。

　　改：直接删除

　　加上词句语法的修改，完整版修改段落如下：

　　The author established an implausible causal relationship between the low unemployment rate in Helios and corporations’ developing priority to Helios. The author insists the under-regional-average unemployment rate would provide a beneficial investing environment for the corporations. However, this reasoning is fallacious since there are many other criteria for evaluating the investment condition, like the government policies. The government policies would offer powerful financial supports or even tax reduction to companies, which will absolutely lead the choices of site selection of corporations.

　　以上就是小编为大家介绍的关于英国大学对于GMAT作文范文的修改，大家在平时可以按照这样的逻辑多多练习哦。更多GMAT逻辑考点、GMAT词汇量等问题，可以咨询我们。